Trust is a fundamental asset for a Product Manager.
I was in a meeting where we were discussing potential approaches to build a cross-collaborative platform. In the room, I was sitting next to Paul (not his real name), while the others were on video call. This was not the first meeting about the topic, it had been weeks since we first started talking about this. Like any approach analysis, there were pros and cons to each option, and we had gone in circles - it was time to close this out, or else it would drag on and we would be building the wrong foundational pieces of a large platform. Paul was leading the meeting, trying to drive alignment; you could still feel the hesitation in people, the deafening silence of their discomfort. I had no horse in the race, I was there to understand what Paul’s request was for both of my engineering teams and that the request didn’t jeopardize my teams’ deliverables, while still helping him drive our broader organization’s goals.
Paul kept looking for ways to lure out excitement and agreement - every attempt fell flat. I tried stepping in, rephrasing questions, and pointing at concerns that I knew the engineers had. We finally reached a basic agreement after that. The meeting ended with an awkward taste in our mouths, and only with an interim solution. After we made sure we ended the video call, Paul turned to me with a lopsided smile and said, “Well, not a lot of excitement…”
What happened here? Paul is very talented and has all the hard skills required in a Product Manager, and yet, people around him continuously seem frustrated, discouraged, and weary. And believe me, even though the cherry on top was that this was a lunch meeting (queue people’s hangriness) this cringey outcome was not the result of a lack of food - this meeting was sorely lacking in trust.
This single meeting was but a symptom of an underlying condition where Paul had neglected his relationship with the engineers; they had separately told me how he would not listen to their suggestions, or would not loop them in on decisions that would later affect them. As I highlighted in Influence is a Product Manager's Currency, influence is so much more than hard skills, it’s also about earning people’s trust - constantly showing up and acknowledging your stakeholder’s concerns, staying interested in their point of view, and making them feel heard.
Trust impacts not only your career as a Product Manager, but also has an effect on users, the product, the team, and ultimately, business outcomes.
Simon Sinek talks about the trust vs performance model1. The x-axis is trust, while the y-axis measures performance. In his research where he interviewed U.S. Navy SEALs, they told him they would rather have someone with medium (even low) performance levels and high trust, than someone who is a top performer but has not earned their team’s trust. Let’s pause for a second -
U.S. Navy SEALs would rather have someone who is not a top performer (competence) but has earned the trust of their team (character).
As a product manager, people are looking up to you for guidance and product direction. By that nature, people need to trust you to function cohesively and productively.
Trust is very hard to earn, and unfortunately, very easy to lose. So what can you, as a Product Manager, do to earn it and keep it? Amazon deems it so important, it’s a Leadership Principle: “Earn Trust”. Andy Jassy explains it as2:
it’s about listening attentively, delivering what you said you would, and being vocally self-critical (i.e., a lot of self-awareness and ownership).
In a very different kind of meeting, Veronica (not her real name either), a sister team’s PM, was presenting an update to senior leadership. It was a 30-min meeting, with a tight agenda, and very pointed questions. Her job was to demonstrate this product was a worthwhile endeavor by presenting a very buttoned-up assessment, moderating the meeting, and addressing any concerns.
At these meetings, everyone is on edge. These are the types of meetings that could make or break your rapport with higher management. I saw Veronica prepare for this presentation weeks ahead. She made sure she collected input from everyone involved, including a correction in numbers they had already presented to our lead months prior. This meant that what she had told him before needed adjusting. Far from trying to sweep that under the rug, she opened the meeting by owning that. She also gave credit to the team for understanding the data better, and how this helps us all (even her sister teams) iterate. Our senior lead commended her for doing this and for acknowledging people’s hard work.
That edge that had filled the room at the beginning of the meeting, vanished - the air felt lighter, and you could see people’s shoulders relaxing. In doing this, she reinforced the trust that everyone - her team, her direct reports, and her boss - has placed upon her.
Paul and Veronica have similar technical backgrounds, yet the results of both meetings and the subsequent effects on their relationships with others are vastly different. It’s a great reminder for us as Product Managers to value, earn, and protect trust.